Edu Blather

Intolerance

2010-08-12T22:41:00.006-04:00

So many things to blog about, so little time. Today I want to say for the record (and let no one take me out of context), I AM INTOLERANT. Shocking I know, for those who know me. Well, let me clarify...shocking for those who know the enlightened Ingrid, not the Ingrid who thought-she-knew-everything-when-she-got-her-first-job. My intolerance stems from people who claim to promulgate the truth. Most of these folks come to life with the clamp of a thumb. They spout off from a real place, but force their will on the recipient of the information. I don't learn anything that way...How about give us an accurate accounting of what has occurred and let ME make the synthesis? Furthermore...how about if these talk-show gurus actually practice the kind of accountable talk we try to teach our kids? No, no. Instead, they keep repeating the same line, talking over the guests or colleagues, and pushing their own agenda....well...I'm tired. I'm tired of the political name-calling, the bashing, the ignorance, and the verbal bullying! There are some of us blessed with a brain...please let us use it, but please use yours as you artfully discuss topics without depleting someone else's dignity...I'm asking. I'm begging...knock it off...We, as Americans, deserve better!! I want to promulgate the seeking out of understanding. I can tolerate many things, but not the lack of seeking understanding...at least if you understand the whole picture, you can make your own decision, and I won't try to change your mind, but we'll both walk away as better people...Talk show hosts....please. Give us a model we can put up for our children to emulate. I'm not seeing much on the flat screen that I would want my kids to emulate, can we work on changing that?

Clarity

2010-06-23T00:01:00.002-04:00

Though the hour is late, and the mind is winding down, my theme is still CLARITY. As I bask, yet again, in the afterglow of another fantastic All Write Conference, I reflect on my life since 2003. I have moved multiple times. Changed jobs in the same corporation several times. Been a fellow in the Appleseed Writing Project. Started and finished a master's degree. Gotten married. And now, completed my first year as a principal. One chapter has closed, and I feel the relief of knowing the following: I will live in the same place and work in the same place next year. I'm just not sure what that will be like. My thoughts are clearer now than they have been in years, and that is all I could hope for. I can now be the wife that I should have been, the administrator that I could have been. Ahhhhhhhhh! Need I say more? Look out world, here I come.

The Cost of High-Maintenance, part deux

2010-01-30T22:52:00.004-04:00

So, as I continue my trek toward dressing like the grown-up that I am, I make small changes. One change was the realization of the purse. I wear a lot of brown, and though the black purse I had went with "anything," wouldn't a brown purse be better, when I'm wearing brown? Thus the addition of the brown purse, followed shortly by the smaller-but-with-lots-of-pockets black purse. With the stage set, I will finish the tale...
During Winter Break, a piece of equipment was delivered to school that was damaged by the deliverer. I had informed the folks in the affected department that I would take a picture of the damage. I searched high and low for my battery charger as my camera's battery was kaput. In my searching, I looked in all the places that were logical. In a week, the damaged equipment is fixed and the camera is not necessary, however, where in the bloody heck is my charger? Finally, one night, in one of my many middle-of-the-night waking sprees, I get an idea...
I tiptoe into the dark recesses of our new closet, reach high on the shelf and retrieve nothing other than one of my new purses. One of my "logical" places, in which I had previously looked, was my purse (as I cart the charger home often)...but it never occurred to me to check more than one purse. Of course the charger was in the black purse, but I learned a valuable lesson. If you're trying to be high-maintenance, the price is constant vigilance...second case in point...I just found my driver's license in my brown purse tonight as I was emptying all it's contents. I didn't even know it was missing. Next lesson? If you're going to change purses, empty everything out before you do, 'cause you won't get back to it!

The Cost of High Maintenance

2010-01-27T20:01:00.002-04:00

On the clothes front, I am not high maintenance. On the shoes front, I am not high maintenance. On the hair and make-up gig, I am NOT high maintenance...well, at least I didn't used to be! My maintenance comes by way of my need to socially construct my knowledge with colleagues and friends, and my desire to know as much as possible to be the best that I can be. I don't have time for clothes, shoes, and hair accessories. About a year and a half ago, I had friends over for a "what not to wear" party. I asked them (all well-dressed and pseudo-high maintenance) to help pull me out of my personal wardrobe nightmare. As it turned out, they found very few of my items that needed to "go." I was pleased to hear my buddies say that I had some nice pieces, I just needed to combine them better and get a few essentials...black jacket, black pants, yaddah, yaddah. I have been slowly collecting these, dare I say, necessities.

Now that I am at my new school, I have run into a few ladies who have given me a few fashion tips. These are ladies who sacrifice themselves for the heel. Ladies with fine coifs and a sassy fashion sense...they picked up where my what-not-to-wear friends left off. Sometimes I'll have something new on, and all I have to do is show it, and raise an eyebrow. They read my brow and give me an encouraging thumbs up, or a "you could wear that with this...." So, I continue my trek toward trying to look appropriate, but I found a cost....unfortunately time is of the essence this evening, so I can't get into it. I've got dinner to prepare and a president to watch. I will finish this tale soon, and reveal my cost for a delving into the high maintenance world...

Gifts

2009-12-04T18:53:00.004-04:00

The building is quiet. Everyone except Charles has gone home. Some are getting ready for tonight's Staff Party. I am here.
It's too far to go home, but I can't think about the pile of things yet to do. I know it's time to stop working when I start making mistakes!! Instead, I thought I would take the time to enjoy what I know about the people at this building--adults and students alike...
As I think about the work we are doing to become even better for the students we serve, I often think about how others think and operate. I appreciate the opportunity to get to know people and often reflect on the gifts they have to offer. In trying to express my gratitude, I have written, erased, and re-written in an attempt to capture these gifts. There is no way to show the essence of the beautiful dichotomies that each individual possesses. I love all the differences in people. How can I help everyone see each others' gifts? This is my most important question. I feel that if I can precipitate hyper-understanding, then we will accomplish our goals with even more magnitude.

Getting Legs

2009-07-10T17:23:00.000-04:00

The outer office is dark. The window lets gentle traffic sounds waft in. The fan intimidates the heat coming in the window enough to leave me comfortable at my desk in my new office, with my ear-buds in (Joe Jackson's, is she really going out with him.) One week down, 51 more to go as the new principal. The pace was comfortable this week. Next week will prove to be more hectic as there are many appointments in and out of the school.

I'm content with my first week. I am not filled with any poignant messages this evening--just the knowledge that what breezed by with only minor challenges will increase in its intensity with the hiring and postings that will come next week. For now, I will close the window, cut the lights, code out and enjoy a relaxing evening with friends.

The Farmlands

2009-06-23T20:41:00.002-04:00

Thump Bdzzz. Thump, thump bdzzz. Thump, thump. It was 90 degrees out, the AC was full blast, and my head was brimming. I glided past an Amish buggy at 55 m.p.h., with a cell phone in one hand, and rap on the radio. Yet another dichotomoy, which I love.

The past two days were the boost in the arm I needed to rejuvenate my thinking, and learning. I met new friends and connected with the old, in the austere backdrop of Shipshewana again. Though there are more thoughts in this cup, which runneth over, I will but stick only my big toe in, whilst I warm myself back up to my tiny little blogosphere. Soon, perhaps, I will insert my foot.

To Cathy....check your blog....I'm inspired...let your light reignite other candles, too...

Coexist

2008-11-27T20:29:00.005-04:00

The following represents an incomplete thought, that I will edit a bit later to fish out what it is I want to say about it:
Driving to Thanksgiving dinner at my parents this evening, I was following a vehicle that had a blue bumper sticker that used pictures representing different religions and genders to spell out the word Coexist. I have seen the bumper sticker before, and remember thinking, "The owner/driver of that car might be a head-in-the-clouds optimist thinking that there can actually be world peace.
Today when I saw the bumper sticker, I immediately thought the same thing, but then quickly reminded myself about the optimist part. Haven't I proclaimed myself an optimist when it comes to education and other things of national import? So how can I stand in such judgement of this type of sentiment?
Since the light was red, I had a chance to look carefully at the bumper sticker to notice the detail. My previous judgement of its having been about world peace may or may not be accurate. I saw what appeared to be a Jewish Star of David, a Christian cross, the Chinese symbol of yin and yang, the peace sign, and the male and female symbols. Without assuming I know it's true meaning, I attached the following meaning:
Coexisting means being able to respectfully (perhaps peacefully) be side by side with others of opposing schemas, opinions, beliefs and aspirations. I do not believe this can happen in the world. I barely believe it can happen here in the United States, but I believe it MUST.
The United States teeters on the cusp of uncharted territory as a rebublic. We are a people of more diversity than any other country I'm aware of. We have, for so long, used words to welcome immigrants and slaves to a country dominated by a "ruling class" based in European ideals. As we continue to diversify, will we be able to change according to what's best for ALL people of this country? Or will the variances be diametrically opposed? Interesting question for which I don't know the answer. I find myself thinking about it more and more? What will we look like as a country in 10 years?
I see many of the "ruling class" support such things as vouchers for education, knowing fully that this will resegregate our country and put us back many, many years. Is this really where we want to go? The power base in the country will shift. Will we all be able to coexist peacefully here? How will we coexist is what I want to know. To say we should isn't enough. We must start thinking about how it will be accomplished successfully!

In Search of my tail

2008-11-06T21:02:00.003-04:00

Being an Assistant Principal gives new meaning to my old saying in regard to "how things are going." My standard answer alluded to being like a dog chasing my own tail. The difference is that I used to have my own tail in sight, but now, I know it's there, I just can't see it.
The increase in expectations and responsibilities is great ( I mean that in an oh-my-gosh-can-I-do-this kind of way.) It's wonderful. Exhilarating, yet exhausting. Tonight, I know that I am going to wake up with the same pile I left on my desk. I walked away at about 6:00 tonight, and knew I needed to walk away. When I start making mistakes, it's time to walk away.
I am now acclimated to the building, though being in the office really does keep you from feeling part of the pulse of the building. The staff at the school is great (and that's being said, knowing that the honeymoon phase is over.) I finally have more time to reflect meaningfully on where we are going as a school. For a while, all I could do is figure out the politics, the academics, and role in my new setting. Now, I can reflect on everything in order to make decisions based on what's in regard to our vision. My two intern supervisors, Jeff and Jennifer gave me wings, and my present supervisor/team-mate let's me fly.
I can't wait to see what we can accomplish. I hope to be able to have more time to blog about my first year as an AP. It will help reflect on what's working and what needs to be done better.

Evolution of a Tear

2008-08-25T20:55:00.002-04:00

Prior to April 28, 1995, nobody could say they saw me shed a tear. The tragic events of that night changed me. My friends and I were left wondering who murdered our dear friend, Shannon. We weren't to find out for another year and a half or so. The recovery was more than I thought I could bear--that's a story of it's own for another day's blog. Through the grief, I learned to cry. Such a simple act for some, but not for this tough cookie. Even my mother said I was stubborn as a kid, and would NOT pinch out a tear.
Though Shannon's death opened the flood gates, I was still what many would call an insensitive wench. Shannon's death taught me to forgive, but I still lacked a certain sensitivity and understanding. That is, until Calvin and Hobbes arrived.
Ever since I found the Bill Watterson characters, Calvin and Hobbes, I knew I would name any pets I ever got after them. So the day came and I got a phone call from Brenda about taking some kitties off her hands. I was unsure, but did it anyway. I was a proud owner of two kittens. Litter mates. Buddies. I picked these two because Brenda said they always played with one another. That was just over 10 years ago.
I rushed home from work just to be with the kitties, to watch them develop, and to allow my heart to grow two sizes. I think my friends would agree that I became less "a-holish" (any former students who may happen upon this, please forgive me, but it's true.) I was like the Grinch after the people of Whoville sang in the empty town square. I learned a love that I didn't know was possible. I now understood a love bigger than myself. I had a new understanding for parents and pet-owners alike (yeah, figure that one out.)
The road since has had it's ups and downs, but my heart has, thankfully, stayed open. It's open, even now, as it breaks. I have cried without shame over my little gray boy... at work, at home, and wherever it struck me in between. Tonight, I put Calvin to sleep. I buried him as the sun set. Half of the formula for my growth now lies in the earth by three trees on the east side of the house. Even though half of the dynamic duo is gone, my heart will stay open. I'll cry. I'll get through it, and I will never be the same. Thanks, Calvin!

Ready or Not....Here We Come

2008-08-18T21:14:00.003-04:00

Today was the first student day in the school district I serve. Admittedly, there were more questions I should have asked to make sure the day went flawlessly. All in all, though, the few glitches that happened took care of themselves with the team work of the stakeholders in the building, and procedures are already in place for tomorrow so there won't be a repeat.

Though the day was harried, it was neat to see the different grade level teachers working with their students. I realized that while I was running my head off all day making sure X, Y and Z were in place, and seeing to getting materials and such to the appropriate places, the teachers were tirelessly attending to their students. This was such a unique perspective.

Last year was an internship year, and I still felt insulated from the ultimate decision making. My boss and I have this cool team-work that gives me the latitude to make some of the decisions. It's weird to have people be asking me for things and to actually be able to take care of some of it. Furthermore, it's even more weird to ask people if they can do such and such and have them say yes. I can truly say that Northcrest is a TEAM. I didn't once run into anyone who balked at pitching in. There were a few tense moments at the end of the day, when teachers were already well past their contracted day, and still were attending to some bus issues. When I finally realized that the normal protocol in place was carried out by an absent staff member, it was too late. The problem will be rectified tomorrow, but I didn't even completely lose my cool. I realized that the person with whom I was speaking was looking through a lens of "this is usually done this way." And I was looking at it with a lens of "how is this usually taken care of." We were speaking the same language, really, and Kristi pitched in to make the necessary signs so that this won't happen tomorrow.

I am so looking forward to this year. The students seem to want to do the right thing most of the time. I've spotted a few who are already pushing it, but I will try to connect with them. All, in all, though exhausting, it was exhilarating. I'm tired and will sleep well tonight.

Dedication and Care

2008-08-08T20:20:00.003-04:00

Two concurrent things competed for my attention today. The Day Of Caring and the two people who toiled in my office from 9:00-3:30ish. Both were dedicated, and both cared deeply about what they were doing! At the close of my second week at Northcrest, I am (again) humbled.

Today, community members from various companies descended upon FWCS in order to help us with whatever we needed in relation to our (crumbling, in some cases) buildings. These businesses were so generous with their time, that I just have to stand in awe at their I-don't-know-what-to-call-it. I guess commitment would have to be one word. Why would these people posse-up and come to a school system to help? I'm just awed by that. Do they care? Are they FWCS alums? What could it possibly be that would motivate hoardes of people?

The one instance I am directly connected to is Regal Beloit's adoption of Haley Elementary (my alma mater.) My husband works at a plant that designs and builds things for Regal Beloit, and I was tickled to know that one of the companies he works with adopted one of the schools in my district. At a district leadership meeting I talked to the principal of that school. He thought 20 people or so were coming (that was two days ago.) Today, when I talked to him, he said it was upped to 40. WOW!!! Very humbling---thanks. Our community rocks!!

The second humbling experience today was related to the schedule. Rachel and Julie kicked tail and took down names. I saw them get excited, bummed, and everything in between as they solved the puzzle of the schedule. I told them that I was watching them from time to time in awe and amazement. I didn't even know where to poke my head in. There was no way I could do what they were doing. I am thankful and amazed at the dedication to the kids, and the donation of their precious time!!! There is no way for me to repay what these women (and Shelly, yesterday) helped do!!

Life is good when you are surrounded by these kinds of people!

Sticks and Stones

2008-08-07T22:09:00.002-04:00

Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Our speaker at a leadership meeting today said what I've grown to realize over the years....it's a LIE. It is the words that hurt, not the stick or stone. The message this man brought wasn't new, but I appreciated the manner in which he did so. I was constantly finding myself in his message through his examples. I used to ignorantly say things that would hurt people. Thankfully I've learned skills that not only monitor my language (especially in relation to others), but have also changed my attitudes.

We are all unique. We must seek to understand first and foremost. Since my present lens is one of a new administrator in a new role, I am applying my learning to that position. The presenter, Dave Weber (not the same D.W. we have in the district, mind you), talked about how our tongues harm. My "now" application was a reflection of how careful I have to be right now. Since I'm new to the building I'm currently serving, I've already been targeted with comments that have a negative bent toward someone else in the building. Already I know much about alliances and dynamics, but I must beware that these people who don't know me, don't attach meaning to comments I make. When I'm confronted with someone who is talking about someone else, I feel boxed in. I'll listen, but don't want to engage in the conversation because that's how misinformation gets out. I have a great opportunity, in one week, when we have our first staff meeting. I will get to introduce myself and speak about my experience...perhaps this will be a great time to let people know how I operate, so they know my personal norms.

I'll go to sleep reflecting on Mr. Weber's message, and hope that we, as a district can come together and start kissing frogs. Think about that, will ya? :)

Independence meets Interdependence

2008-08-05T21:41:00.002-04:00

After a good part of my day was sucked into a vortex of scheduling, I realize that my not knowing things is just part of my reality. I further realized, as I watched Julie's mind-work (thankfully, she talks out loud while she thinks), that I could NOT do this without her.

As I choked down my humble pie, I decided that this, too, was a reminder that we ARE to operate interdependently in the school setting, as long as we are being as efficient as possible. Part of the issues we face while trying to coordinate the mandated contract specials and the grant mandates and the legal mandates with Special Education and English Language Learners is a true give and take of one another's brain power. Right now I'm taking while others are giving. Hopefully my turn will come when I can give.

It's not such a bad thing to realize that I'm in the throes of a situation that will help us all in unique ways. I'm sure there will be other opportunities to eat humble pie as I continue to understand more about my new role, but fortunately, I'm o.k. with that. Model what you preach, I always say. If I can't take it, how can I hope anyone else will?

Product versus Process?

2008-07-29T21:20:00.004-04:00

I've long been an advocate of the idea behind the process being more important than the product. Today, though, I felt like the product of my past. I guess it's fair to advocate both ideas as long as I remember that today's product will not be as evolved as tomorrow's.

Today was day number two at my new job. The school building is blooming with more and more color appearing on the bulletin boards and classrooms. It's really coming to life. One of my first tasks was to help with the new textbook adoption. Monday, I was by myself as the principal and the secretary were out. This is where the fun began...

I realized as I was looking at packing slips and inventories that my time working at Keltch's warehouse (and Reader's World) came in awful handy. Because the principal and the secretary had done such an excellent job in sorting the items by grade level, I was able to pick up where they left off. I consciously reminded myself that things in our life are sometimes there for interesting reasons. Who would have thought that such a simple job as I had distributing gift ware and books would help ease an otherwise tedious job.

I know it was not an overly complicated task, but there were several items bundled in unique ways and if I hadn't physically handled each piece, I would never know how they all went together. I actually made another realization today...some would look at this repetitious and monotonous job with disdain, but the mere handling of the materials helps me to learn what I'll need to know in order to support the new adoption.

2008 Meinvent, Day 30

2008-07-08T23:43:00.002-04:00

I'm bored with the titles of my blogs, and I'm guessing everyone else is, too. It's almost a misnomer at this point. I'm really not inventing or re-inventing myself. I still eat too much junk, and the 30 minutes I proposed at the beginning? Yeah, well, let's just say that was when it seemed like I had lots of time left...well, I don't!

I have three more days until vacation. I'm pushing hard to tidy up the list. I can say that I'm tied up at Lane, so that's one large thing off the list. As for the rest...much is coming together. Everything seemed to go my way yesterday and today. I couldn't be more pleased!! Tomorrow will start to tell whether my wheeling and dealing will pay off.

Right now, I'm downloading "Three Cups of Tea" and since we live just East of Timbuktu, it's taking forever since we don't get FiOS out here. In about 10 minutes I'll have the book, and in three days I'll be enjoying it on the plane, then hopefully on the beach. This way, I don't have to carry the book with me. :)

I'll quit yammering, but I just wanted to share how grateful I am that things are going so well. The cherry would be the Flip finally Flipping...if you got any extra room on your prayer list, please add me...pray for a clean mouth, and for all the list to get picked off in the next few days. Good Night!

2008 Meinvent, Day 28

2008-07-06T22:08:00.002-04:00

I don't feel very creative, or inventive, or anything else...all I know is that I've got 5 days until we go to Hilton Head and I've a lot to do.

It was a great weekend being with the family and such, but tomorrow entails much work, as does Tuesday...we'll see how it all fares...I might have tenants before the end of next week, or I might not...we'll see.

Good night...I've got to get up early.

2008 Meinvent Day 25

2008-07-03T00:00:00.002-04:00

Hard to believe that I'm 25 days in...I don't feel any different. Well, actually I do. Lately the squeaky wheel has been getting the oil, and I've been all over the map with excavating, ORKINating, plastering, patching, painting, and key-making. Bottom line...it's all coming together. I've shown the apartments, and it looks hopeful for tenants. My house is on the market officially, and the financing for the flip looks like it's going to work (though I'm not going to count any chickens before they hatch.) I have seven more days to get stuff done (excluding July 4th, our vacation, and my 4 days-worth of New Administrator Academy. Wish me luck.

As soon as I figure the picture posting thing out, I'll post some pictures of my fabulous day lilies...

2008 Meinvent day whatever

2008-06-28T20:14:00.003-04:00

The title should give away my mental status. Monday and Tuesday were so awesome. I think what I like best about the All Write!!! Conference is the intimate setting coupled with the big names that bring the big knowledge. It was just what the doctor ordered. I'm re inspired and so torqued for not just my own writing, but working with students. I put all my Reading and Writing Journals into one basket. I want to be able to model for the students and teachers my own use of them so as to help anyone who needs to see it, the PURPOSE for it all. :) I am looking forward to debriefing with colleagues on Monday...just a way to keep it going. Momentum, momentum, momentum...

Wednesday was a blur, but I didn't feel that good anyway, so the near-write-off of the day doesn't count against me, does it? Don't answer that!

As soon as my peds hit the ground Thursday it was non-stop. There may have been a few minutes that weren't spent getting goals met, but it wasn't many... Between Orkin, and Shoda's I had two adjacent lawns dug up. I was doing anything I was able to do to make their jobs easier (and less expensive). The bonus? All the debris from both houses was removed and out of my life forever! Ahhhhhhh. I also got the quad listed with Christine Shafer at REMAX. There was much running around, but, again, it all related to my goals. I actually feel like the loose ends are tying up. Each step I make just gets the whole process closer. It's not like I get one or two things done, and then can cross them off my list. Much of my doings are processes that keep creeping closer to doneness, and one day it will just be like, "hey, I can check all 10 of these things off." Am extremely pleased with my progress, though it could be more, I also understand that some of the "off" time has been chill time or be with people I care about time.

Take tonight for example...Bill and I took mom and dad to the Boathouse in Winona Lake. It was a nice dinner to celebrate their 49th wedding anniversary and dad's birthday. They liked our present with was a veritable "Price's Right" showcase showdown with little things they might need for their vacation. When I say "Price's Right"I don't mean high dollar as much as I mean, each item came with a silly narrative like they do on the show. Either way, they were entertained, as were we while watching them unwrap each item.

Though my rambling is pointless tonight, I felt it my duty to check in, especially since this really only constitutes entry number two for this week. That's o.k., like Sarah says, "there's always tomorrow." Thanks, Sarah!!

Feelin' "All Write!!!"

2008-06-23T03:58:00.001-04:00

It's the eve of the All Write Conference. Well, I guess it's really the morning of...whatever. I am so excited that I can't sleep. I crept up the stairs to grab my Writer's Notebooks (which could have something to do with why I couldn't sleep--I didn't want to forget them.) While here, I thought I'd just post a quick word. I don't remember which day of the Meinvent it is...but that part doesn't matter...

Today, I am going to indulge myself in Katherine Bomer's extended session (provided there's room.) I can't wait. It's a two-day session in which "teachers" get to explore themselves as a writer. I disregard the word teacher, not because I disregard teachers, but because no matter what title I hold, I am a TEACHER first!!! Once a teacher, always a teacher. I've been removed from my Notebook for the better part of the last year, I'm anxious to get reacquainted. I'm allowing this indulgence as I am paying for the conference myself...and did I mention, I can't wait?

But wait, I will. I'm going to go back downstairs, slide under the covers and spend the last two hours of the night free of the worry that I will forget my old Notebooks--my "friends."

2008 Meinvent, Day 11

2008-06-19T22:44:00.003-04:00

Termites will deprive me of sleep no more!! Yesterday, after my quad's annual termite inspection, my inspector (guy good-guy, by the way) said he'd take a peek at the flip next door if I liked. Great, I thought, as I had checked it with a fine toothed comb last spring and summer and treated it preemptively to be safe. I was pretty sure we'd get a clean bill of health. Well, I was wrong. we were ninety-nine one-hundredths of the way through the basement, when voila, I saw, with my own eyes, two good-for-nothing white termites when the inspector disturbed the tube of destruction. Well, there goes our stimulus check plus forty bucks.

The good news is, it's fresh (I had checked that exact location last year with no sign of bugs.) Guy-inspector-guy said if this was well established we'd have seen a lot more offshoots...hopefully the prospective buyer, who lives just down the street, also in the termite zone, will realize this isn't the end of the world. I'm glad to know that, too, since I think the place is pretty darn fabulous.

Anyway, other ensuing issues are the goals. I have much of my stuff in my new office and am glad about that. I still have some stuff to organize before I take it, but I've got a great handle on it. I've clocked in some hours preparing for the job, too, which makes me feel better with each passing day.

Today, I threw caution to the wind and lounged poolside with my buddies Carrie and Diane. We always have fun, and have seriously good conversation. We don't always talk shop, but it's nice to know we can sprinkle lots of shop-talk amid our miscellaneous ramblings.

I also spent time with my husband this evening. It was a beautiful night, and we cooked chicken on the grill, and I made home-made macaroni and cheese...I'm getting it down to a science.

Almost all is well in my world. The down-side, everyone wants money...Orkin, The sewer company, the roofers, and Bath and Body works. O.k, Bath and Body Works just had a sale I couldn't resist...come on 5 for $15. You can't leave the stuff in the store, and they had my favorite smell--Ginger and White Tea.....ahhhhhh, it reminds me of being in Hong Kong just 4 short years ago. Back to reality. It's late. I'm tired, and I'm going to bed. Good Night!

2008 Meinvent, Day 9

2008-06-17T22:28:00.003-04:00

Poison ivy and toilets seemed to be my biggest challenge today. The Ivy that started developing on Saturday seemed to crest today at well above black-eye stage. One of the custodians at school today asked me in what round I went down. Surprisingly, it looks a little better this evening (I'm trying to avoid the "shot," not because I hate needles--bring it on--but because I don't have time to fool with a trip to the doc.)

As for the toilet incident, let's just say "a hand in the toilet is worth more than the price of a new phone." Oh, yeah, if you happen to put your phone in your back pocket because you're too lazy to carry your purse in the building, remember to take it out before dropping your drawers in the bathroom. My heart sank when my phone did. It was kaput all day, and finally decided it had dried enough and so, came back to life this evening...this after a trip to Verizon to see about getting a new phone, which is a hassle by the way. Thankfully I didn't buy anything. Cross your fingers that the phone's guts aren't going to die a vicious death. That pretty much covers the "other stuff" that could have happened today that had nothing to do with my goals.

The up-side is that I got to watch my buddy's son romp around at gymnastics in the morning...then we met up again for dinner, and got to watch my God daughter run and kick. Both are so full of life and fun to watch and reconnect with, which is one of my newer-improved goals, by the way...

I've rewritten my goals now in a much more succinct fashion--one that encompasses several of the previous goals implicitly...here they are:

1) Walk closer to God
2) Blog 3 times a week
3) Live a healthier lifestyle
4) Organize, Consolidate, and Liquidate any (all) material possessions
5) Make more friend and family time
6) Tie-up Internship
7) Prepare and Sell (rent) Fort Wayne properties
8) Prepare myself professionally
9) Plan mom and dad's 50th reunion (for next summer)
10) Advance toward home remodel
11) Remember to plan some time for me (including reading)

Now that I have these, I will code my time chart by adding these sweeping categories. This will help my quantify my time, then determine what's off. I have started preparing a daily list of sub-goals in manageable chunks so that I can cross of what I do as I do it, then add it to the top of the next day if I don't. This has worked in the past, so I'm reviving it.

I know, I know...this all seems a little too analytical, but there's a method to the madness. I remember the words of a wise old sage (sages, really, nonetheless, this is not a new concept) at IPFW who said, "What doesn't get measured, doesn't get done." Or was it, "what gets measured, gets done?" Either way, you get the point. I'm on it, and I'm using the skills learned in TQM class to see to it that I can be as productive as possible. How can I go wrong, when part of my days are scheduled time with God, friend, family, and me?

I'm on a roll...let's see what surprises lurk tomorrow.

2008 Meinvent, Day 8

2008-06-16T12:00:00.003-04:00

With an itchy eye, and a sunburned back, I take time to reflect on my progress thus far. The weekend was strictly spent with hubby and friends. Friday night, we dined with mom and dad, Lara and Doug with the express purpose of cutting off stamps from my grandfather's correspondence. We debated whether the stamps should be used for resale at a Stamp Collector's store, or to go for the leper colony that Doug collects for. Let's just say, not only did we get an education that night, but the lepers and stamp collectors will have their fare share, and there may have even been some few worth a little money, that mom kept. It's a story for another time, for sure, but let's just say, it was an interesting evening.

Saturday, Bill and I got the motorboat ready, then participated in the Big Lake Poker Run. We got 5th place with a four-of-a-kind, and heartily accepted a t$32.00 gallon of oil to be used with some of the equipment we own. After the poker run, we literally socialized/swam the entire day with neighbors and new friends.

Sunday, I was able to log some time on the organization of professional stuff, while Bill mowed. We then spent the rest of the day at mom and dad's, with his family as well, celebrating Father's Day.

The R & R did me good. I pushed so hard at the beginning of last week, that I was losing steam near the end of the week. I'm refreshed , have had a productive morning, and look to complete my Internship tie-ups today before seeing the contractor about our renovation. Things are looking up, and I'm starting to note some trends.

I am in correspondence with a sorority sister of mine, and was responding to one of her e-mails last Thursday night, and I told her that I felt like I was at the edge of a forest I had been wandering through for years, and I could finally see the clearing, metaphorically. I asked if she was laying any bets as to how long I could keep myself from being Over-programmed. But, the bigger picture here, for me, is that I have to accept responsibility for some of my short-fallings. My mind is the clearest it has been in a long time, why is that? And why do I over-program myself? I think I know the answers (at least in part).

For the past 6 years I have been in flux, professionally and personally. I sold the home I adored in the historic section of Fort Wayne in December of 2002, and have moved 4 times since then. In that same time, I've changed professional positions 3 times, beginning by packing up my entire classroom (have since let others borrow or have much of what should be in students hands daily.) For three years, while working in the Curriculum Department, I lived out of my trunk while serving 7 schools in the district. This year, I served in two buildings, while being "in the hair" of my mentors (literally in their office--how they can stand me, I don't know.) This is a lot of change for a person. Retrospectively, I can see it's effects. Many people think that I'm pretty easy going, and even like change--well I don't like change. But it's not up to me. Change happens--deal with it. This has been an important evolution in who I am as a person and an educator.

As I'm purging files, books, magazines, etcetera, I'm focusing on the grief that I haven 't allowed myself to feel. The grief at not having 25 kids at my door on the first day of school. Grief at not being part of a close-knit unit anymore. Grief at getting attached to students at the two schools I served in this year, and knowing I may not see any of them again. It hurts! And most of my seemingly-laid-back attitude is just an understanding that life keeps going. I'll work on finding a way to cope with these things on the way, but while being over-programmed I didn't have time to think about them.

I also realize now, more than ever, after having worked with two dynamic mentors, that the reason I am capable of doing what I do now is perhaps, in part, of having over-programmed myself. I realize that my IQ (though I don't know what it is) is probably not as high as I think it is, but the hard work I put in balances my disparities. What I have to do now, is see if I am still competitive in the market of leaders just as I am. I think back of all the things I pushed so hard to do in college and beyond, from the self-help books, to pushing myself to understand, learn, and grow...all of it is paying off, but is it sustainable? This will become apparent as I wend my way through my new position this year. The plusses? I'll have one space out of which to work. One that I can call my own. Also, I'll have one set of expectations and one building culture with which to work.

It's all coming together, I can't wait to see what the rest of the summer brings.

2008 Meinvent, Day 5

2008-06-13T06:33:00.004-04:00

Today, I hang my head in shame--metaphorically speaking. Yesterday, I hit a brick wall. The day started well by breaking my fast with the current AP at the school where I'll be going next year, then dropping off boxes of my books that I will have in my office (both items satisfying growth toward completing my goals.)

After that, things went downhill rapidly. I went to one of my tenant's apartments knowing I could not do one of the tasks required, by myself. Once I got there, I made a list of everything that I needed to complete in her apartment this summer--so far, so good. Then, I went outside to call dad to see if he'd come help me put in the air conditioner. Rosie offered me an ice-cold Coke, and I sat and socialized with her for far longer than I should have. Dad came, we did the AC in pretty good time, but then as we did a walk-around (I wanted to see if the storm from the other day ripped off my vent fan cover from the south roof--it did) I knew my day had been captured by the ever-loving "something else."

Dad and I made a fruitless trip to Lowe's and Menard's--seriously, does NO ONE sell replacement covers? One man actually said, "I've never heard of that, it might be time to buy a whole new unit." I'm thinking, "not on my $100 + bill, pal." I shook my head as we left. This smug capitalist thinks I have couches stuffed with money. Doesn't he know what the price of gas is? He certainly doesn't know how much I spend in gas a month. Shhh, I'm not proud of the lack of "green-ness" in what I spend per month.

Anyway, after being unsuccessful at two of my favorite places to shop--barring smug, bearded salesman, who are graying (ha ha)--my dad and I are actually hungry, and he takes me to Richard's. My dad, who is turning 79 (or is it only 78?) in 14 days, who just helped me shlep an AC up a flight of stairs and into a chest-high window, mind you, would not let me buy him lunch. I better get him an awesome-butt Father's Day present. He's picked his art back up, so this year shopping for him will be easy!!

After a pleasant lunch (but if you're counting, that's two meals out today, not so good on the eating healthier goal--never mind what I ate...) dad drops me back to the Quad and I proceed to call around about getting the roof vent fixed. I leave messages and am assured someone will call me back. Yeah, right. No one wants or probably has time for such a small-fry job. I'm still waiting for someone to call back (I guess it is only 6-something in the morning, I'll keep my patience in check.)

In the meantime, though, my plans for painting Sarah's apartment are put on hold as I scurry around trying to figure out how the hell I'm going to temporarily cover the 14 inch opening in my roof. It is supposed to rain late tonight or tomorrow and I am afraid of water--not to swim in it, drink it, or otherwise enjoy it. I'm afraid of the damage it can cause...long story (stories, if you want to know the truth) for another time. Being that it is now today, it is raining as promised.

After making the phone calls to roofers, and trying to secure the use of my loaned-out extension ladder (which included several I'm-trying-to-track-down Kyle calls), I returned to my actual goal-seeking behavior--painting! I started in the blue room, and realized that it's unwise for me to continue using $25/gallon paint on a room I'm going to have to paint twice anyway (I'll buy cheaper primer for that coat, but I'm NOT going back to Lowe's today!) So I started cutting-in in the hallway, and then decided since I haven't heard anything about my ladder, I better get the hubby in the mix. He's none-too-pleased about the prospect of having to find McGyver-style stuff at work to help me with my hare-brained plan, but dutifully helps.

After painting some more, up pulls Bill on his Fat-Boy, and I'm laying in wait for what I know he's going to be even less pleased to hear--that I have not yet secured the ladder. Thankfully, Bill is more clever than I when it comes to mechanical things (I'm not a complete yutz when it comes to these things, but....he's better.) He figures out that we can remove a pin from the loft skylight, and crawl out with the ladder I do have...great trick to know. I don't ever have to have another near-panic attack about my fat arse falling off the ladder while going from the second-story roof to the top roof. Whew!!! Wish I had known that a couple months ago...and furthermore, hopefully my arse won't be as fat if I attend properly to my goals.

Well, let's just say the patching of the gaping roof hole went better than expected given the additional items Bill brought--so, putting heads together really is a good thing. Bill left as he saw clouds and feared getting caught in the rain on his bike (not the end of the world, but if you can avoid it, why not?) He made the fateful mistake of saying, "take your time" in relation to my intent to go downstairs and chat with my buddy Gerrie (who is also my Property Manager, and keeps things off my plate as oft as possible.)

To make the story a bit less cumbersome, let's just say Gerrie and I talked for a while, and then went to DQ for dinner and a little bit of ice cream--o.k., a Peanut Buster Parfait is not a little bit. Boy did it go down nicely, though. Gerrie didn't have ice cream, she was being good.

By the time I got home at 8:45 p.m. I was defeated. I figured Bill was going to be upset with me because I lingered longer than I expected, and my day was less fruitful than I desired. He was fine, but said he was a little worried. After laying on the floor for an hour or so (sweaty, tired, and utterly disappointed in myself) I went upstairs to check e-mail. I read and purged a bunch of personal e-mails, and professional e-mails, but did not blog, as you may or may not have noticed.

So, let's recap a bit. Here's what went well yesterday: minimal painting; AC in; purging e-mail; and socializing with Rosie and Gerrie. Here's what didn't go well: unplanned time spent on roof-vent fiasco (seeing people flooded in Idaho and Illinois keeps the logical part of my head in perspective, mind you); 3 meals out--unhealthy; no blogging; no 30 minutes of exercise. Not a complete bust, but certainly not up to my standard.

It wasn't until later, after I went to bed at midnight, tossing and turning MOST of the night, that I realized, I have one MAJOR thing missing on my list of goals: To walk closer to God. Perhaps if I would put that first, and give my first fruits of the day to Him (instead of blogging, I caught the irony), I would be more focused. That wouldn't keep the unexpected from happening, but I notice any time I'm trying to metaphorically "drive," I'm usually humbled. Maybe the roof vent was supposed to remind me that I need to move over. For any unbelievers reading this, don't worry, I'm not crazy, I'll pray that you can know the peace that comes with such a decision. Whenever I "move over" things go smoother.

It's kind of like the whole Administration thing. I kept swimming against the stream (in this case the stream was going into administration). I did NOT want anything to do with administration (never mind that I had been president of this and that in college and beyond.) The more I swam upstream, the more difficult things became. It wasn't until part way through my Master's Degree (yes, for administration...there's a story there, though) that I realized Administration is my lot in life. Again, for any non-believers, don't tune out just yet. I'm happy to be pursuing it now, even more so, because I truly believe it is God's desire to have me be a servant in this capacity. And for anyone paying attention, he knows I use the word hell above (I thought about deleting it, but it is a well placed word for which none can take it's place and have the same verve.)

On that note...the rain has died down. I've been blogging for an hour (and three minutes), and need to get back on the program. Today is a new day, and I think I'll make time to read a bit of the Word before I get to work. Peace Out!!

2008 Meinvent, Day 3

2008-06-11T21:57:00.002-04:00

SMART! Specific, measurable, attainable, blah, blah, blah...as I reflect on my week thus far, I am pleased with my progress. As I reflect, though, I realize that in order to make my goals more meaningful, I do have to make them more specific and measurable. I've worked up one draft of goals, which cut down significantly on the number of goals, but I'm in no way done...I'll put down what I have. I'm certainly going to lack lustre tonight as I am tired, have a sink-ful of lovely strawberries to finish cleaning, and am blogging tonight out of obligation to my word.

Newer, moderately improved goals:
1. Blogging at least 3 times per week (today makes 3)
2. Exercising at least 30 minutes every day (this week alone I've logged 135 minutes)
3. Liquidating ANY unnecessary items from our house (still ongoing)
4. Organize and Consolidating Leadership and Curriculum info. (good progress, ongoing)
5. More time for girlfriends (lunched with Falk today)
6. Finish and Market Flip (crunched numbers and have potential buyer)
7. Quad-related (formerly #7-#10...have done little to nothing this week)
8. Internship tie-ups (made great headway today, still have a few hours worth left)
9. Moving into new office (moved 3 more boxes today)
10. Eating Healthier (had no chocolate today, and ate 3 proper meals, veggies and all)
11. Prepping our house for add-on (looked at first set of drawings with hubby this evening)
12. Organizing and Consolidating our house (not much on this front until I get my office stuff moved along with organizing leadership stuff.)
13. Learning about my new job (am going to breakfast with the current holder of my job tomorrow)
14. Professional Reading (nix)
15. Personal Reading (Read a little Oprah yesterday--10 minutes worth in addition to my walk back from the mailbox which is .6 miles away.)
16. Cooking for and spending time with hubby (I've done well here, we've had a proper dinner 3 nights in a row, and yesterday we were outside hanging most of the night.)
17. Planning for Mom and Dad's 50th--get a save the date invite out and contact the cabins for reservations.

Well, I know there's more paring to do, but some of the existing items will knock off this list before the middle of next week...

I've worked hard on all these fronts, though, and I'm tired today, and I've got an important breakfast with Gale at 6:30, which means it's time for this girl to hit the hay!

2008 Meinvent, Day 2

2008-06-10T07:28:00.003-04:00

"Anal" is a word I'd use to describe my actions yesterday. For anyone misreading the word "anal," I do not mean pertaining to that part of my body, rather my obsessive, anal retentive type of behavior. I timed every activity I did yesterday, and this morning tried to link the activities to one of my goals. Well, I see some err in my ways...no problem...that's what this blog's all about for now.
I decided to time my activities after blogging yesterday (so I have no record of what I did prior to completing the blog.) The thought came to me as I was processing my writing...fancy that...I can have multiple thoughts at the same time and respond accordingly. Whew! I thought I'd lost that skill this semester. Needless to say, I have 747 minutes of activity yesterday that are accounted for. I also did not count the I-can't-believe-I'm-not-asleep-yet time (well, it was 34 minutes to be exact) or the sneaking to the bathroom at 11:12 to count up my minutes for the day (I wonder if there's a connection to why I couldn't sleep.) Here's the rough breakdown:

I spent 43 minutes exercising. Yay, me...I rode Bill's bike (better than mine) around Loon Lake and back. I spent another 37 minutes in the bathroom...getting ready and or attending to necessities. I only petted Scooty (our outdoor kitty) 10 minutes. 27 minues of my day were spent prepping meals; 68 minutes eating them, and another 17 minutes doing dishes. The remining time was spent, socializing with my in-laws, going to the store, and watching t.v. (which can be linked to goal #2 from yesterday, as I was going through catalogs and pulling out any things of interest, which I may give to Bill so he has ideas for my birthday in August.) The remainder of the catalogs were put in the ever-growing recycling pile. This whole process would be a whole lot easier if I weren't as "green" as I am. Furthermore, coming from a post WWII-fleeing-from-potential-aggressors upbringing, waste is frowned upon, thereby keeping me from liberally "throwing things away." No, I have to find a place to use it or donate it...thank goodness for Martha Stewart's body + soul magazine and REAL SIMPLE magazine which help me discover new and meaningful ways to get rid of things (bcause one of my sub-goals is always, put as little as possible into the waste stream.) Now, I'm just rambling.
To analyze yesterday (or analize), I'm including laundry and bill paying in goals #3 and #4 (as I realize that I need to further define the organizing--it's not just for professional stuff anymore,) I spent 64% of my waking day working on my goals.
Today, I stayed up with Bill, just as I said, and already have a couple hour jump on yesterday. I won't be as anal through this whole process, but for me it was important to go through the times and percents. I'm going to continue that temporarily so that I can see where most time is wasted, and how I can tighten up...this will help me professionally, too.
Now that I have spent 35 minutes blogging and re-reading, I will go and make myself some breakfast. I was up a pound from yesterday. I'm sure with all the water I drank yesterday (and yes, I kept track of everything I put in my mouth), and the exercise, I will start to see it go down. But right now, the belly's calling...

2008 Meinvent

2008-06-09T09:52:00.001-04:00

Yes, the date is correct. It is now June, and I have not only made it through my middle school internship, but decidedly liked much of it. It was rocky at first--mainly because I was slaying my own demons regarding middle school (having nothing to do with the current context in which I found myself.)
Today, however, is my first official day of my reinvent, or as I've titled today's blog, my "2008 MEinvent." As of today, I have 49 days with which to prepare myself mentally, physically and in any other way necessary for my new job as Assistant Principal. 49 days! That doesn't sound like much time to get done what I want to get done, especially given that my morning nap consisted of falling asleep after my husband left around 6:15 and not waking up until around 8:30. I'm never going to accomplish all that needs to be accomplished at that rate. Tomorrow, I will wake up with him, and stay up.

So, as I chronicle the "2008 Meinvent," here's the hard, cold reality:
49 days, minus 8 for a pseudo family reunion, leaving 43 days.
43 days, minus 2 for the All Write!!! Conference, leaving 39 days.
39 days, minus the I-don't-know-how-many days that will involve me in New Adminstrator Training...

Time's-a-wastin'. In no way do I mean to imply that the above-listed functions careening into my remaining days will be anything less than awesome, but the point remains, tempus fugit (no, I'm not cussing, it's Latin for "time flies.")

Here's what my meinvent will entail (parenthetical phrases are the "why"):

1. Blogging at least 3 times a week (to focus my reflections, work on my writing craft, and to be accountable)
2. Exercising for at least 1/2 hour every day, including weekends (because I'm not in optimum physical condition)
3. Liquidating ANY unnecessary items from our house (there's too much junk residing here)
4. Organizing and Consolidating my leadership and curriculum information (see #3)
5. Making more time for my girl friends (all work and no play makes Ingrid dull girl)
6. Finishing and Marketing the Flip (as it should've been marketed soon after my last blog entry...pathetic that we still own it)
7. Putting new garage doors on Quad (so I can sell it)
8. Upgrading Sara's old apartment and re-rentingit (so I can sell make the mortgage as I prepare to sell it)
9. Putting new flooring in Rosie's apartment ('cause I told her I'd do it 6 months ago)
10. Excavating the sewer pipe and inserting a clean out (so we won't get you-know-what backed up the pipes)
11. Moving into my new-oh-wait-I've-never-had-one-before office (so I can effectively do my job)
12. Eating Healthier (see #2)
13. Preparing to "move" (so that when we add on to our house I can find things as necessary)
14. Organizing and Consolidating tools and other stuff at our house (see #3 and #13)
15. Learning about my new job (to go in over-prepared, like I prefer)
16. Reading the 2 books I borrowed from Jeff, the one I borrowed from Sarah, and any other book I can cram into my available time (because I love reading/learning)
17. Cooking for and spending more time with the hubby (because we team play)
18. Finishing up a couple loose ends for my internship (because I don't leave a job undone)
19. I reserve #19 and #20 for the things that come up that I didn't account for...
20.
I think that about covers it. If it doesn't pertain to any of the above, then it won't make the cut for what to do in a day's time. Stay tuned, if you want for an Improving Me.

Peace Part Deux

2008-01-13T22:10:00.000-04:00

I'm going to relate a third party story, so forgive the generality.
There was a contest to find a pictorial representation of what peace really means. This was a world-wide contest and drew lots of interest. At the unveiling, the runner up depicted a very peaceful scene of a lake...everything about the picture screamed tranquility. Many were surprised that this one didn't take the prize, because after all, "What could be more peaceful than this?"
When the winner was selected many were a bit surprised to see a waterfall crashing on rocks far below. The crafty artist used light to take your eye to a small branch whereon a mama bird slept peacefully in a nest with her babies. The birds all looked peaceful, and therein was the beauty and true meaning of PEACE...no matter what is happening around you, you can have peace--the peace of knowing that all is well regardless.
As I ready myself to return to the middle school arena, I wish myself this same peace. I must default to what I know and the peace needs to be there. I needn't walk in with doubt...all will be well....all IS well in my world regardless of what goes on around me.

My Little Word

2008-01-12T09:27:00.000-04:00

After being inspired by Jen, Sara, and Kathy's words, and how they would impact them this year, I decided I probably ought to pick a word for myself. This was a hard process, and I'm pretty sure I have my word.
First I thought, commitment, then courage, and another couple of fleeting words, but the one I kept coming back to was PEACE. Not the kind of peace on earth crap the Christmas songs promulgate, but true peace.
In the bible, I forget which verse, there is a passage that says something about peace on earth. The issue is that if you go back to the Greek translation, it means peace for whom God has favor. It demystifies the whole idea of having to have peace around the world....which historically only accounts for a small percentage of actual time, anyway. So, though I am an idealist and an optimist, I don't think there will ever be peace on this earth. That doesn't mean I don't wish there was, but I digress.
I'm not cocky when I say God has favor for me. I know this because when he sent His Son to die for my sins, He meant it, and I have offered my life to serve Him however I can. I'm still working on the potty mouth thing (you could pray for me, if you've got room on your prayer list). I already have a peace within my heart, but I need to capitalize on that and walk a little closer to my Savior. I think that if I keep my focus there, it will increase everything...my productivity, my ability to prioritize, and the poise with which I deal with the minutiae of every day.
So my word is peace--the kind you can get through Jesus Christ.

A-mostly-dry-eye-in-the-house

2008-01-10T21:21:00.000-04:00

I prayed this morning that I would be able to make it through the day without crying. It's not that I care if the kids see me cry--I think they need to know that adults cry. Moreover, I didn't want them to see me lose control. I was feeling on the verge of one of those cries that won't stop...that, I didn't really want them to see, but I'm not sure why. If it's o.k. for adults to cry, then why did I have to keep it together today, my last day?
The problem is that now I'm paying the price. I welled up a couple times today, and I was so glad that I didn't completely LOSE IT, that I was kind of excited...until I cleaned up the remainder of my desk.
On my drive to meet my husband at one of our favorite restaurants, Los Tequilas, I had lost my appetite. My stomach hurt, and my heart ached a little...then I knew that the price I paid for not losing it today was a bottle that's still going to overflow, but now it will overflow at an unexpected place. For this moment, I'll put a cork in it. I haven't read most of the letters that I got today. I'll wait until this weekend, when maybe I can handle it. I hate loss, but each time it makes me stronger--how dare it!!
Before I sign off, I must say that the fifth graders made my day by writing me a Haiku...oh, yes...you rock...we had so much fun with Haiku, I'm so happy that one of my last memories of them has a Haiku attached to it. Until tomorrow, I'm still an Irwin Rocket. I'll deal with tomorrow tomorrow!!

Denial...it ain't a river in Egypt

2008-01-09T22:50:00.000-04:00

On the eve of my last Elementary Intern experience, I realize that I warped the meaning of the superintendent's holiday break message. She said to take time off to rejuvenate and ramp up for the spring. As I sit here typing, I realize that I may have though I was doing just that, but in reality, I was in a state of denial. By not thinking about the school I'm leaving or the school I'm going to, I robbed myself of the healthy reflection in which I could have been engaged.
Instead, I will go to school tomorrow, with a lump in my throat, that I want to keep down, but am afraid I won't be able to. When I see the Kindergartners walking by in the hall, I will want to scoop them up instead of just waving. I want to stay, but I must go, and I think the thing that bothers me more than I'd like to admit is that they will have impressed my heart more than I will have theirs. In a week's time as they continue their routines, I will be but a memory. Sure, there are a few kids who will miss me more because we connected for some reason, but by and large, I think I'm the one with a heavier heart. They'll move on, and I won't get to be a part of it.
I will miss the spirit of this building, too. A staff tap-dancing on the upper edge of excellence. A staff who takes students as they are, no matter their background. A staff committed to these children and their own professional growth. I could only wish to lead such a building. Before long, this building will see the top spot in their district, and it will have been a result of their unweilding focus on improving, their leadership, and their tenacity. Kudos, Irwin! I will miss you...
As a period to a sentence, I end with the fifth graders in mind, for whom only a breaking-the-rules kind of Haiku seems appropriate:

Irwin is the best

Stay focused on your learning

Accept nothing less

...sounds like the words shouted at Blastoff...it must mean the message is already internalized. So, tomorrow will come, like it or not. I hope to find the peace to steady myself for the huge learning curve I'm about to board; and savor the memories of the learning curve I'm carrying with me

The Vortex that is Middle School

2008-01-08T22:04:00.001-04:00

With angst in my heart, and "old records" playing in my head, I wandered through the sea of tables in various stages of eating...yesterday was my first partial day at the middle school where I will serve the remainder of my Internship. To get my feet wet, I was asked to be in the lunchroom for the remainder of the 7th grade lunch period. I really did have to try to look calm while fighting the demons in my head. Do I think ill of middle schoolers, or for that matter 7th graders? NO. The demons lurk from my own impish childhood in which middle school was such a flurry of oh-my-gosh-I-don't-know-what-to-say-think-or-do, that I literally had an internal pseudo-panic going on.
To compound the issue, my year of teaching middle school overseas came back to haunt me...that place where I was culturally less aware than I should have been...that place where I started on the wrong foot because I didn't know differently (it was my 3rd year teaching)...that place where students called me what they wanted (to my face) thinking I wouldn't understand what they were saying.
It was all rushing back to me, so I had to act quickly so as not to make a complete idiot of myself to these students who do not know the depth of my passion or my commitment to doing what's best for them if only for their dignity and humanity.
My inner adult sat my inner child down for a heart-to-heart. The adult said, firstly, you are one now. Secondly, they can't hurt you anymore unless you let them. Thirdly, these are different, more sophisticated students, and I am a different and more sophisticated educator. I decided to default to what I know how to do and that's meet people at their eyes. As I walked I smiled and met students's eyes. Not only did I see wonder, but openness. I even saw a former first grade student of mine, and a former 5th grade one from the previous year. All of a sudden,I realized, I was the one with the wall up and that if I hoped to have any chance with these students, I needed to return to the same vulnerability that they may have with me one on one.
Today, I got to watch the students leave for the day. Again, I met their eyes and watched the principal interact with them, and realized that this trip is going to be o.k. I will default to what I know about kids and how I connect with them, and it will be o.k. I can lay the demons to rest now, because I have the opportunity before me to assist others in remember what it's like and to not ever let school be an emotionally unsafe place.

Ye Hare 'n Hound Inn

2008-01-03T15:18:00.000-04:00

Frosty windowpanes, just like you see in the movies. Soft jazz floating among the rafters. A quiet street with lake Chautauqua darkly beckoning. A picture disturbed by a waft of overpowering cologne. It snapped me into the reality of what had been happening around us at this quaint and cozy English-Inn-replica.
As soon as we walked in, there were a few looks. These were not just looks of curiosity. They felt like looks of do-you-belong-here? This fine eating establishment is located in Bemus Point, New York. It was a bit of a quiet kind of town that probably thrives when there isn't a foot of snow on the ground. The service was great, but the voices from the tables around carried. Maybe all these people knew each other in passing. Maybe these people saw us pull up in an oversized work van from Indiana. Or maybe our threads didn't meet approval...the fact that I was wearing a $2.80 leopard print shirt under a CAbi jacket was not lost on me. Maybe, just maybe, I was being self-conscious...not likely, since it would take more than entering a restaurant to make me self-conscious.
The girl behind my husband seemed to be trying to check me out to see if I passed an unspoken standard. She was well put together, but not over the top. I quickly dismissed any looks I was getting.
There were two tables of four behind us, though. All looked like they could be old money...retired, comfortable. One table was just louder than I would expect at such an establishment. They didn't talk about much of import other than sharing stories of their collective pasts and so and so's illness, etcetera. The second table was the one I take the most issue with....and even that's an overstatement. I should just say, they caused me to pause and reflect briefly on a growing malcontent of mine.
The larger man at this table, who we humorously renamed "The Judge" (dig into your old Rodney Dangerfield movies), was pontificating about the current political scene. I quickly dismissed what he said, because it seems his audience was not the other three at his table, but anyone who would listen.
I stopped listening as I realized we are all on a continuum of sorts, be it intellectually, monetarily, or socially. Everyone is in someone else's ivory tower and it's easy for us to cast stones at those who have more than we...however when do we consider giving up some of what we have in order to assist someone lower on the continuum? I don't suppose this fellow would give up his status in order to allow someone else to reach an equivalent status. I also wonder who I'll tick off when I suggest that we have our own caste system right here in this country, but no one wants to claim that they are the privileged class. It's always someone higher than they.
Instead of spewing on so everyone can hear, why don't we do something about it? Why don't we enlighten ourselves, facilitate others' growth, and keep it going. I know, I know, I'm an idealist. Yes, and an optimist, too. If we don't do something now, though, maybe our democracy won't withstand the pressure building from within the walls of this country. Before pointing a finger at others, let's look at the three fingers pointing back at ourselves, so that we can move forward more intelligently.
Regardless of the bloviating surrounding us and the pressure cooker I feel we live in currently in this country, last night it was just my hubby and me. Man and wife. Engineer and Educator--enjoying each other, in the moment, without regard to the problems of the world. It is something I hope to continue to do for a very, very, very long time.

Money Pit II (aka "The Flip") Revisited

2008-01-02T17:02:00.002-04:00

The trucks barrel outside our hotel room window, as the sun is making its way down the other end of the freeway. It's cold, but I'm free.
I'd like to say that I came to Erie, Pennsylvania with my husband, to bask in the glory of our second year of marriage; to provide him the companionship he might have missed on this business trip, or to add yet another city to the list of places I've explored. If I admitted to any of those, I'd be stretching the truth. Though, I do love my husband and enjoy keeping him company, the fact of the matter is, if I'm here with him, I'm not in Ft. Wayne having to deal with the flip. It's priceless.
I would hate for anyone to get the wrong idea, but let's face it...my friends, and equally importantly my superiors are getting sick of hearing about this house. As gorgeous as it turned out, we still have to sell the thing, which means buying the legal paperwork, putting a sign out into the yard and constantly worrying that someone will pick now to break into it. We're on the home stretch here....but I want it sold NOW. The secretary at the school where I'm currently working assures me that the right buyer is just waiting for it. I hope she's right, but here are some things I've learned through the whole two-year-and-I'm-not-telling-how-many-months project:

1. Don't wish "they'd just put a sign out front and sell the darn thing."
2. If they do put a sign out selling the darn thing DON'T BUY IT!!
3. Plan ahead. If you even think you'll be putting yourself through a masters or getting married, reconsider.
4. Don't underestimate the work it takes
5. Don't underestimate the financial faux pas's that will occur along the way
6. Do learn as much as you can about your "partner in crime," like what he likes and is capable of doing...this will come in handy later.
7. When in doubt, ask for help from as many capable others as possible.
8. Do your homework early on.
9. Be nice to the people at Neighborhood Code Enforcement
10. Fix any outdoor atrocities first as your neighbors will appreciate (and support you) for it.

I've been asked if I will ever do this again. Well, that's a loaded question. I would absolutely do it again if I didn't have such a demanding job that I loved so much, and if my husband didn't care if I took on the responsibility myself (versus encumbering him...good planning on my part, heh heh.) The demolition can't be beat...and I love painting, and making it pretty, so all the rest can be hired out.
But for now, I am excused from my responsibilities there, so that I can catch up on other things that I'd like to continue to keep up on here.

Money Pit II

2007-10-21T13:59:00.000-04:00

Stay tuned for some delvings far from the educational realm. I've quite a bit to say about this, but mainly just wanted to put a "bookmark" on the thought...meanwhile, I have another presentation to prepare for...

Curriculum Matters

2007-10-21T00:10:00.000-04:00

Ahhhhhh.....basking in the glory of a day learning and helping others learn. Is there anything better? After 3 presentations at the Appleseed Writing Project's 2nd annual conference, I'm exhausted, yet exhilarated. As I reflect on the day, and my eyelids begin to droop, I can sleep soundly knowing that my dichotomies have afforded me this peace.

As I was driving home from work a couple of weeks ago, I was reflecting (as I often do during my 50 minute drive) on the sheer opposite I married into. I don't mean that Bill and I are total opposites (although an engineer's thinking is very different than a teacher's thinking.) I mean, I am currently working in an urban district with a diverse population and I drive home to a milk-toast, country living down a .6 mile gravel road across a "rickety" (yes, there's a story there) bridge to a couple of acres and a cat named Scooty (who is presently meowing outside).

Some of the folks in this neck don't make it to the "big city" often enough and might not know what to think about the stories I have to tell...so I don't tell them though I'm seeping at the seams.

This is not the only dichotomy. Today after being "professional" all day, then having a great dinner with my hubby and my parents, I went to a house that Bill and I have been working on and helped him with some plumbing. We left there at 10:30, after testing everything, draining it, and being unable to clean the "flux" out from under my fingernails.

Why do these dichotomies really exist? What am I supposed to be learning? Or do I just need the polar opposites to keep myself somewhere in middle? I'm not sure what the answer to these questions is, but I do know that it's 12:26, Scooty's still meowing 'cause he wants some love, and my tea is now luke-warm in front of me...

I'll ponder the meaning of it all when I'm more coherent.

Sheeeee's Baaaaaaack...

2007-10-16T05:58:00.000-04:00

I'm minutes from dashing out the door, but after a few arduous months at my new job, I needed to refresh my blogging. Stay tuned for some beats from a different drum....

I need a collander for my brain!

2007-06-04T15:56:00.000-04:00

The whirlwind of today leaves me with little inspiration to think creatively given that I've still got 101 things to do in less time than is allowed to do it in. Either way, a little blogging might help.
Today the team with whom I work got to spend time working with one of our newest colleagues, Wendy. While problem solving a work-in-progress for the fall, we learned a lot (isn't a lot a poor word choice? Yeah, that' what you get when you think too much in a day) from each other. This is a luxury not often afforded in our positions. I look forward to my next (and last) two days as a facilitator. I shant dwell here at the moment, because it will mark another sad ending in my life. I'll deal more with that and my beloved colleagues on another day.
But for today, I have a date with Roto-rooter, must install cabinet doors, and find a business-casual outfit to wear on Thursday! Never a dull moment.

Salvation without Jesus (Jennifer, instead)

2007-06-01T19:02:00.000-04:00

After a cram-packed faculty meeting at the school where the train-wreck occured, I had 40 minutes to seek salvation.
I picked up the phone and dialed one of my facilitator buddies and told her I needed some coaching. She spared the time for me and listened to yesterday's catastrophe and consulted a couple references (Reading with Meaning by Debbie Miller and the Harvey Daniels book on Lit. Circles). We shot ideas back and forth and at 9:15, I was left with the how, and quickly went in search of a shared text. With just 30 seconds to spare, I delivered the lesson in the first class and it went well. I deviated a bit from the plan hatched by Jennifer and I, but was pleased with the kids understanding and increased rigor of their questions.
The second room went similarly. We added some depth to their understanding of thin and thick questions, and left them still wondering about the shared text, so that they'd have more fodder with which to banter on Monday.
The part I opted to leave out this time, the Criteria Chart on Thin versus Thick will wait. I'll walk the teachers through this so that they can experience it with their students before next Wednesday when they leave for the summer.
In all, I felt pretty good about what the students took away today. The week was salvaged, I learned from my colleagues, but more than that, my last interactions with students were positive.
I just realize as the suite that I'm typing in echoes of voices-gone-home-on-a-Friday-night. I'm sad. Today marks a bittersweet day. I'm left with an ache in the pit of my stomach as I realize that my boss of three years is leaving,and I (if I receive Board Approval) will be changing positions. I will savor these moments as I type because I know my old boss is still in the building...just knowing that temporarily comforts me. The regularness comforts me. The safety comforts me. I will have all summer to synthesize all that I've learned personally and professionally from her, but for now everything is as it always is. Terri working hard.
I'm thinking, too, that maybe I know why I was so passionate to get my lesson right yesterday. Maybe somewhere in the crevices of my brain I realized that I have one more shot. I don't like thinking this. I'd like to think that I have that same passion to get it right all the time, but this time was distinctly different. My contacts with children and teachers will forever change after today,my last day with teachers and students in this role. I've made some wonderful connections the past three years, and I will miss that. I will also miss the direct instruction of students. I don't handle loss well, and this is truly a loss on many fronts (yes, it's the beginning of something new, too). I think I'm going to have to spend some time lingering in what I'm about to embark upon as well as grieving the loss of my boss, and the welcoming of a new and wonderful individual who will take her position. Talk about growth. I'm stretching professionally and personally. Maybe my salvation still has to come from Jesus (instead of Jennifer.)

Post Train-wreck rumination

2007-05-31T15:43:00.000-04:00

After a sweltering day, battling pollen and humidity, I'm left picking up the pieces of an afternoon gone bad. It started with the best of intentions--demonstrating for students the difference between Thick and Thin questions.
Without getting into the gory details, let's just say, I caught the teacher's attention and said something about the bottom falling out of this lesson. She concurred. At that point I told the kids that sometimes teachers make mistakes and at that point we collected up the remaining sentence strips and started in again more intelligently. The unfortunate reality was that my time was almost up.
With just 2 minutes to spare, I hit the next room...another second grade class. I told that teacher how horrible the previous lesson had gone and that I needed a minute to regroup so that we (meaning I)don't make some of the same mistakes. This lesson went better, the mini-lesson was pretty solid, but after coming back from reading and sharing questions, I again (as if I didn't learn the first time)couldn't seem to help them categorize the questions they had from their own book into Thin versus Thick. The problem was that without a shared reading experience, we, as a class, couldn't ascertain this. So, now I'm finding myself in need of more coaching so I can address this, an area I felt fairly confident with, in a more appropriate way.
I love days like this because they make me think, but I hate them, too, because they make me feel like a buffoon. All in all, I guess it's good to be kept humble, lest we stop growing. I grew a lot today,and will continue to grow as I reflect on "what now?"