2008 Meinvent, Day 8

With an itchy eye, and a sunburned back, I take time to reflect on my progress thus far. The weekend was strictly spent with hubby and friends. Friday night, we dined with mom and dad, Lara and Doug with the express purpose of cutting off stamps from my grandfather's correspondence. We debated whether the stamps should be used for resale at a Stamp Collector's store, or to go for the leper colony that Doug collects for. Let's just say, not only did we get an education that night, but the lepers and stamp collectors will have their fare share, and there may have even been some few worth a little money, that mom kept. It's a story for another time, for sure, but let's just say, it was an interesting evening.

Saturday, Bill and I got the motorboat ready, then participated in the Big Lake Poker Run. We got 5th place with a four-of-a-kind, and heartily accepted a t$32.00 gallon of oil to be used with some of the equipment we own. After the poker run, we literally socialized/swam the entire day with neighbors and new friends.

Sunday, I was able to log some time on the organization of professional stuff, while Bill mowed. We then spent the rest of the day at mom and dad's, with his family as well, celebrating Father's Day.

The R & R did me good. I pushed so hard at the beginning of last week, that I was losing steam near the end of the week. I'm refreshed , have had a productive morning, and look to complete my Internship tie-ups today before seeing the contractor about our renovation. Things are looking up, and I'm starting to note some trends.

I am in correspondence with a sorority sister of mine, and was responding to one of her e-mails last Thursday night, and I told her that I felt like I was at the edge of a forest I had been wandering through for years, and I could finally see the clearing, metaphorically. I asked if she was laying any bets as to how long I could keep myself from being Over-programmed. But, the bigger picture here, for me, is that I have to accept responsibility for some of my short-fallings. My mind is the clearest it has been in a long time, why is that? And why do I over-program myself? I think I know the answers (at least in part).

For the past 6 years I have been in flux, professionally and personally. I sold the home I adored in the historic section of Fort Wayne in December of 2002, and have moved 4 times since then. In that same time, I've changed professional positions 3 times, beginning by packing up my entire classroom (have since let others borrow or have much of what should be in students hands daily.) For three years, while working in the Curriculum Department, I lived out of my trunk while serving 7 schools in the district. This year, I served in two buildings, while being "in the hair" of my mentors (literally in their office--how they can stand me, I don't know.) This is a lot of change for a person. Retrospectively, I can see it's effects. Many people think that I'm pretty easy going, and even like change--well I don't like change. But it's not up to me. Change happens--deal with it. This has been an important evolution in who I am as a person and an educator.

As I'm purging files, books, magazines, etcetera, I'm focusing on the grief that I haven 't allowed myself to feel. The grief at not having 25 kids at my door on the first day of school. Grief at not being part of a close-knit unit anymore. Grief at getting attached to students at the two schools I served in this year, and knowing I may not see any of them again. It hurts! And most of my seemingly-laid-back attitude is just an understanding that life keeps going. I'll work on finding a way to cope with these things on the way, but while being over-programmed I didn't have time to think about them.

I also realize now, more than ever, after having worked with two dynamic mentors, that the reason I am capable of doing what I do now is perhaps, in part, of having over-programmed myself. I realize that my IQ (though I don't know what it is) is probably not as high as I think it is, but the hard work I put in balances my disparities. What I have to do now, is see if I am still competitive in the market of leaders just as I am. I think back of all the things I pushed so hard to do in college and beyond, from the self-help books, to pushing myself to understand, learn, and grow...all of it is paying off, but is it sustainable? This will become apparent as I wend my way through my new position this year. The plusses? I'll have one space out of which to work. One that I can call my own. Also, I'll have one set of expectations and one building culture with which to work.

It's all coming together, I can't wait to see what the rest of the summer brings.