Prior to April 28, 1995, nobody could say they saw me shed a tear. The tragic events of that night changed me. My friends and I were left wondering who murdered our dear friend, Shannon. We weren't to find out for another year and a half or so. The recovery was more than I thought I could bear--that's a story of it's own for another day's blog. Through the grief, I learned to cry. Such a simple act for some, but not for this tough cookie. Even my mother said I was stubborn as a kid, and would NOT pinch out a tear.
Though Shannon's death opened the flood gates, I was still what many would call an insensitive wench. Shannon's death taught me to forgive, but I still lacked a certain sensitivity and understanding. That is, until Calvin and Hobbes arrived.
Ever since I found the Bill Watterson characters, Calvin and Hobbes, I knew I would name any pets I ever got after them. So the day came and I got a phone call from Brenda about taking some kitties off her hands. I was unsure, but did it anyway. I was a proud owner of two kittens. Litter mates. Buddies. I picked these two because Brenda said they always played with one another. That was just over 10 years ago.
I rushed home from work just to be with the kitties, to watch them develop, and to allow my heart to grow two sizes. I think my friends would agree that I became less "a-holish" (any former students who may happen upon this, please forgive me, but it's true.) I was like the Grinch after the people of Whoville sang in the empty town square. I learned a love that I didn't know was possible. I now understood a love bigger than myself. I had a new understanding for parents and pet-owners alike (yeah, figure that one out.)
The road since has had it's ups and downs, but my heart has, thankfully, stayed open. It's open, even now, as it breaks. I have cried without shame over my little gray boy... at work, at home, and wherever it struck me in between. Tonight, I put Calvin to sleep. I buried him as the sun set. Half of the formula for my growth now lies in the earth by three trees on the east side of the house. Even though half of the dynamic duo is gone, my heart will stay open. I'll cry. I'll get through it, and I will never be the same. Thanks, Calvin!
Monday, August 25, 2008
Monday, August 18, 2008
Ready or Not....Here We Come
Today was the first student day in the school district I serve. Admittedly, there were more questions I should have asked to make sure the day went flawlessly. All in all, though, the few glitches that happened took care of themselves with the team work of the stakeholders in the building, and procedures are already in place for tomorrow so there won't be a repeat.
Though the day was harried, it was neat to see the different grade level teachers working with their students. I realized that while I was running my head off all day making sure X, Y and Z were in place, and seeing to getting materials and such to the appropriate places, the teachers were tirelessly attending to their students. This was such a unique perspective.
Last year was an internship year, and I still felt insulated from the ultimate decision making. My boss and I have this cool team-work that gives me the latitude to make some of the decisions. It's weird to have people be asking me for things and to actually be able to take care of some of it. Furthermore, it's even more weird to ask people if they can do such and such and have them say yes. I can truly say that Northcrest is a TEAM. I didn't once run into anyone who balked at pitching in. There were a few tense moments at the end of the day, when teachers were already well past their contracted day, and still were attending to some bus issues. When I finally realized that the normal protocol in place was carried out by an absent staff member, it was too late. The problem will be rectified tomorrow, but I didn't even completely lose my cool. I realized that the person with whom I was speaking was looking through a lens of "this is usually done this way." And I was looking at it with a lens of "how is this usually taken care of." We were speaking the same language, really, and Kristi pitched in to make the necessary signs so that this won't happen tomorrow.
I am so looking forward to this year. The students seem to want to do the right thing most of the time. I've spotted a few who are already pushing it, but I will try to connect with them. All, in all, though exhausting, it was exhilarating. I'm tired and will sleep well tonight.
Though the day was harried, it was neat to see the different grade level teachers working with their students. I realized that while I was running my head off all day making sure X, Y and Z were in place, and seeing to getting materials and such to the appropriate places, the teachers were tirelessly attending to their students. This was such a unique perspective.
Last year was an internship year, and I still felt insulated from the ultimate decision making. My boss and I have this cool team-work that gives me the latitude to make some of the decisions. It's weird to have people be asking me for things and to actually be able to take care of some of it. Furthermore, it's even more weird to ask people if they can do such and such and have them say yes. I can truly say that Northcrest is a TEAM. I didn't once run into anyone who balked at pitching in. There were a few tense moments at the end of the day, when teachers were already well past their contracted day, and still were attending to some bus issues. When I finally realized that the normal protocol in place was carried out by an absent staff member, it was too late. The problem will be rectified tomorrow, but I didn't even completely lose my cool. I realized that the person with whom I was speaking was looking through a lens of "this is usually done this way." And I was looking at it with a lens of "how is this usually taken care of." We were speaking the same language, really, and Kristi pitched in to make the necessary signs so that this won't happen tomorrow.
I am so looking forward to this year. The students seem to want to do the right thing most of the time. I've spotted a few who are already pushing it, but I will try to connect with them. All, in all, though exhausting, it was exhilarating. I'm tired and will sleep well tonight.
Friday, August 8, 2008
Dedication and Care
Two concurrent things competed for my attention today. The Day Of Caring and the two people who toiled in my office from 9:00-3:30ish. Both were dedicated, and both cared deeply about what they were doing! At the close of my second week at Northcrest, I am (again) humbled.
Today, community members from various companies descended upon FWCS in order to help us with whatever we needed in relation to our (crumbling, in some cases) buildings. These businesses were so generous with their time, that I just have to stand in awe at their I-don't-know-what-to-call-it. I guess commitment would have to be one word. Why would these people posse-up and come to a school system to help? I'm just awed by that. Do they care? Are they FWCS alums? What could it possibly be that would motivate hoardes of people?
The one instance I am directly connected to is Regal Beloit's adoption of Haley Elementary (my alma mater.) My husband works at a plant that designs and builds things for Regal Beloit, and I was tickled to know that one of the companies he works with adopted one of the schools in my district. At a district leadership meeting I talked to the principal of that school. He thought 20 people or so were coming (that was two days ago.) Today, when I talked to him, he said it was upped to 40. WOW!!! Very humbling---thanks. Our community rocks!!
The second humbling experience today was related to the schedule. Rachel and Julie kicked tail and took down names. I saw them get excited, bummed, and everything in between as they solved the puzzle of the schedule. I told them that I was watching them from time to time in awe and amazement. I didn't even know where to poke my head in. There was no way I could do what they were doing. I am thankful and amazed at the dedication to the kids, and the donation of their precious time!!! There is no way for me to repay what these women (and Shelly, yesterday) helped do!!
Life is good when you are surrounded by these kinds of people!
Today, community members from various companies descended upon FWCS in order to help us with whatever we needed in relation to our (crumbling, in some cases) buildings. These businesses were so generous with their time, that I just have to stand in awe at their I-don't-know-what-to-call-it. I guess commitment would have to be one word. Why would these people posse-up and come to a school system to help? I'm just awed by that. Do they care? Are they FWCS alums? What could it possibly be that would motivate hoardes of people?
The one instance I am directly connected to is Regal Beloit's adoption of Haley Elementary (my alma mater.) My husband works at a plant that designs and builds things for Regal Beloit, and I was tickled to know that one of the companies he works with adopted one of the schools in my district. At a district leadership meeting I talked to the principal of that school. He thought 20 people or so were coming (that was two days ago.) Today, when I talked to him, he said it was upped to 40. WOW!!! Very humbling---thanks. Our community rocks!!
The second humbling experience today was related to the schedule. Rachel and Julie kicked tail and took down names. I saw them get excited, bummed, and everything in between as they solved the puzzle of the schedule. I told them that I was watching them from time to time in awe and amazement. I didn't even know where to poke my head in. There was no way I could do what they were doing. I am thankful and amazed at the dedication to the kids, and the donation of their precious time!!! There is no way for me to repay what these women (and Shelly, yesterday) helped do!!
Life is good when you are surrounded by these kinds of people!
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Sticks and Stones
Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Our speaker at a leadership meeting today said what I've grown to realize over the years....it's a LIE. It is the words that hurt, not the stick or stone. The message this man brought wasn't new, but I appreciated the manner in which he did so. I was constantly finding myself in his message through his examples. I used to ignorantly say things that would hurt people. Thankfully I've learned skills that not only monitor my language (especially in relation to others), but have also changed my attitudes.
We are all unique. We must seek to understand first and foremost. Since my present lens is one of a new administrator in a new role, I am applying my learning to that position. The presenter, Dave Weber (not the same D.W. we have in the district, mind you), talked about how our tongues harm. My "now" application was a reflection of how careful I have to be right now. Since I'm new to the building I'm currently serving, I've already been targeted with comments that have a negative bent toward someone else in the building. Already I know much about alliances and dynamics, but I must beware that these people who don't know me, don't attach meaning to comments I make. When I'm confronted with someone who is talking about someone else, I feel boxed in. I'll listen, but don't want to engage in the conversation because that's how misinformation gets out. I have a great opportunity, in one week, when we have our first staff meeting. I will get to introduce myself and speak about my experience...perhaps this will be a great time to let people know how I operate, so they know my personal norms.
I'll go to sleep reflecting on Mr. Weber's message, and hope that we, as a district can come together and start kissing frogs. Think about that, will ya? :)
We are all unique. We must seek to understand first and foremost. Since my present lens is one of a new administrator in a new role, I am applying my learning to that position. The presenter, Dave Weber (not the same D.W. we have in the district, mind you), talked about how our tongues harm. My "now" application was a reflection of how careful I have to be right now. Since I'm new to the building I'm currently serving, I've already been targeted with comments that have a negative bent toward someone else in the building. Already I know much about alliances and dynamics, but I must beware that these people who don't know me, don't attach meaning to comments I make. When I'm confronted with someone who is talking about someone else, I feel boxed in. I'll listen, but don't want to engage in the conversation because that's how misinformation gets out. I have a great opportunity, in one week, when we have our first staff meeting. I will get to introduce myself and speak about my experience...perhaps this will be a great time to let people know how I operate, so they know my personal norms.
I'll go to sleep reflecting on Mr. Weber's message, and hope that we, as a district can come together and start kissing frogs. Think about that, will ya? :)
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Independence meets Interdependence
After a good part of my day was sucked into a vortex of scheduling, I realize that my not knowing things is just part of my reality. I further realized, as I watched Julie's mind-work (thankfully, she talks out loud while she thinks), that I could NOT do this without her.
As I choked down my humble pie, I decided that this, too, was a reminder that we ARE to operate interdependently in the school setting, as long as we are being as efficient as possible. Part of the issues we face while trying to coordinate the mandated contract specials and the grant mandates and the legal mandates with Special Education and English Language Learners is a true give and take of one another's brain power. Right now I'm taking while others are giving. Hopefully my turn will come when I can give.
It's not such a bad thing to realize that I'm in the throes of a situation that will help us all in unique ways. I'm sure there will be other opportunities to eat humble pie as I continue to understand more about my new role, but fortunately, I'm o.k. with that. Model what you preach, I always say. If I can't take it, how can I hope anyone else will?
As I choked down my humble pie, I decided that this, too, was a reminder that we ARE to operate interdependently in the school setting, as long as we are being as efficient as possible. Part of the issues we face while trying to coordinate the mandated contract specials and the grant mandates and the legal mandates with Special Education and English Language Learners is a true give and take of one another's brain power. Right now I'm taking while others are giving. Hopefully my turn will come when I can give.
It's not such a bad thing to realize that I'm in the throes of a situation that will help us all in unique ways. I'm sure there will be other opportunities to eat humble pie as I continue to understand more about my new role, but fortunately, I'm o.k. with that. Model what you preach, I always say. If I can't take it, how can I hope anyone else will?
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